I give you, "But That's What Everybody Does."
Here I am, caught between the proverbial rock and a hard place.
What I know vs what I can do vs what employers want vs the futility of working for a living vs collapse.
That's a lot of "vs" to consider.
First, what I know is a mishmash of SAP technology that I did from 1998 to 2006, a little bit in 2007 and only a sniff in the past 6 months. The other "stuff" I know is bits and pieces or short stints of project management, technical architecture, release managment, UNIX administration and having put together a couple of workshops that people that didn't care about attended. I know a little about alot, and not alot about a little. One inch deep and a mile long, I've heard.
What I can do is the above, but if I had deep interest and desire, could become really good at any one or more. Problem is, who would hire a dabbler that is searching for a skill to hone? Probably not too many people are interested in a 49 year old jack of many trades, master of none.
Employers want certified this, or certified that or 5 years of experience doing this or that. Sorry, I am not that. I have useless certifications, and my experience in the areas they desire are things I haven't done very recently.
The futility of work for work's sake and paying a bank to live in a house that is worth less now than I promised to pay the bank is tangible. Every day, as I look at the job postings on numerous websites and company home pages, my frustration becomes more acute. Part of me says, "What the fuck is the point? We're here for a short time and working in an office is no way to live." The other part of me says, "You have a family that needs you (or the earning potential you represent) to keep them housed, safe, video gamed, televisioned, gadgeted and thingyfied. All that shit has monthly fees that come with it, too.
To the "what the fuck is the point" point ... collapse. We, as a species, are speeding toward our own demise, and we are willingly asking our driver to go faster. Our driver is jobs, the economy, oil, Wall Street, consumer culture and the false security of work (for those of you who actually have jobs or professions that our culture deems part of the economy). Yes, you can be fired for no good reason, and if you're very lucky, you may be able to stick it to "the man" that decided you're too expensive to keep around - but, you know, those Indians or Chinese are very willing to participate in the same game of self-destruction, but for a lower wage.
Speaking as an U.S. American, it seems that our lives are defined by what we do to pay our bills, or what we do to make some person live their dream of being rich beyond necessity. It has been this way for a long time in the US, and I am not sure when that mentality dug its claws into our psyche, but it is the lie that we all live and few of us step back and say that the concept is, to quote a friend of mine, "total bullshit." It defines us, unfortunately. It inspires us, unfortunately. It imprisons us, unfortunately. Some of us Americans are very good at going along with this total bullshit.
So, back to my first point. My career.
Coming up on the half-century mark in my life leaves me thinking that my "life experience" in my work life accounts for very little. Because I am looking for work, the companies I've applied to have got be thinking, "Oh geez. This guy's going to want a high salary. We're better off finding a 25 year old with a couple of years of experience and that naive sense of ambition. A 25 year old will work hard, longer hours to prove his/her worth." My opinion is that they are correct. The young ones, just a couple of years out of college, probably haven't experienced a major downsizing or working their asses off to "earn" a 3% raise (or no raise). They may not have been told that their vacation request is denied because there's simply too much work to do - you can take that vacation later in the year. Sure. I've seen people accrue 4,5 or 6 weeks of vacation time and never take it, or take just a couple of days (worse yet, is when the office shuts down over the one time of the year most people get to be the best consumers they can be, and a person that has little vacation time is forced to go unpaid for the days the office shuts down). They may not have experienced the false satisfaction of a big promotion, only to earn a title with very little pay increase, but a huge amount of new responsibility. And maybe, just maybe they'll now have that chance to work weekends they never wanted. Us old farts realize that life is too short to spend our lives at a desk, pleasing some person in the corner office.
I'l rant more another time. I will write here when I feel like it.
